Lots of pretty heavy stuff going down round here right now (amazingly, not particularly money-related - the money situation is still rough, but I know we'll make it one way or another), and I'm too emotional to write about it here in words. But I'm rudderless, adrift, scared, alone.
Feeling very fragile, in fact.
*****
BUT.
I've been channelling my inner domestic goddess and HAVE MADE A ZORRO COSTUME FOR L. to wear at the school carnival on 11 March. Now, I've made costumes before, so this "exploit" maybe doesn't sound like much. But this time, thanks to a free gift with some office supplies, I USED A SEWING MACHINE. And it didn't kill me! God, I'm so proud of myself!
OK, I also bought (on the cheap) a sword and hat, and I also bought a white mask that I painted black this evening, but I made the cape and belt! All by myself! All I have to do now is make a "buckle" for the belt with a big, gold Z on it (no worries, this is going to be a non-sewing task, and I can deal with those no probs). Oh, she's going to look so cute!
*****
Spare a thought for me, though. These are tough times, people.
dimanche 21 février 2010
jeudi 4 février 2010
Craptastic-tude revisited
Me and my big mouth.
There I was, blithely hoping that things couldn't get worse and well. OK, no one else has died in our immediate vicinity, but 2010 is still pretty spectacularly craptastic.
D has no job (which means no income, of course, but worse: negative income because he has multiple debts from the professional contributions (health, social security, professional tax...) from last year that he couldn't pay because of his low income). He's depressed, negative, aggressive and downright miserable to be around.
He's even talking of leaving us as it would be cheaper for us all if we weren't living together (I'm not sure about that, but it's possible: as a single, unemployed guy he'd qualify for social security and all kinds of benefits that we don't get now; I might also get more child benefit as a single mother), but that just depresses me beyond belief.
He's sort of looking for work, but really, here in Montpellier, there isn't much to be had (highest unemployment rate in France), plus he's 45 and has few qualifications.
We're more broke than ever, owing money to about a million different people and organisations. Work has been OK for me, but a little slow, though I've taken on more teaching hours to try and boost my income a little.
I feel utterly wretched, in fact. I want to cry and sleep all the time. I eat endless crap as comfort food, I've been spending money like water (only little drops of water, and mainly useful stuff, but still. Not necessarily essential, either) and I don't know where to turn.
I desperately want to talk to a friend, get all this off my chest face-to-face with someone, but I have no really close friends here and I feel alone, desperate and miserable.
I can't see how we're going to get out of this, I can't see how D can ever find work here (as I said, he is looking, but I'm not sure he's really giving it his all either - that's depression for you), I can't see how we're ever going to pay off our debts.
We're going to a wedding in York in March, and the weekend is set to cost around 500 € (which of course we don't have), but I really want to go and I'm looking forward to it. We just have to find two people to take the girls, but that shouldn't be a problem.
I also want to go on holiday this summer - I've been looking at Italy again as I loved it so much last time (2008). I'm thinking of the Italian Riviere, the Cinque Terra, Genoa... There are "cheap" places to rent, for sure, but "cheap" still means 400 € a week. And I'd also like to spend a few days in a hotel - Genoa has cheap deals at the Novotel and I'd love that, but again, that would be about 350 € for 4 or 5 days. I've spent hours poring over this stuff, but shouldn't - we can't afford it. But oh, it's so nice to dream!
I feel so stressed right now that my head aches almost permanently, my hair's falling out, I'm putting on weight and I'm getting grouchy. My sweet girls are wonderful, but picking up on the tension and I hate that.
Oh, fuck this! I just want 2010 to get better! I want D to find work - anything! anything that would bring in some money, even 1000 € a month would be good - I want us to pull through this difficult time, I want to be able to breathe again.
Sorry for the moaning, but I'm so alone right now.
There I was, blithely hoping that things couldn't get worse and well. OK, no one else has died in our immediate vicinity, but 2010 is still pretty spectacularly craptastic.
D has no job (which means no income, of course, but worse: negative income because he has multiple debts from the professional contributions (health, social security, professional tax...) from last year that he couldn't pay because of his low income). He's depressed, negative, aggressive and downright miserable to be around.
He's even talking of leaving us as it would be cheaper for us all if we weren't living together (I'm not sure about that, but it's possible: as a single, unemployed guy he'd qualify for social security and all kinds of benefits that we don't get now; I might also get more child benefit as a single mother), but that just depresses me beyond belief.
He's sort of looking for work, but really, here in Montpellier, there isn't much to be had (highest unemployment rate in France), plus he's 45 and has few qualifications.
We're more broke than ever, owing money to about a million different people and organisations. Work has been OK for me, but a little slow, though I've taken on more teaching hours to try and boost my income a little.
I feel utterly wretched, in fact. I want to cry and sleep all the time. I eat endless crap as comfort food, I've been spending money like water (only little drops of water, and mainly useful stuff, but still. Not necessarily essential, either) and I don't know where to turn.
I desperately want to talk to a friend, get all this off my chest face-to-face with someone, but I have no really close friends here and I feel alone, desperate and miserable.
I can't see how we're going to get out of this, I can't see how D can ever find work here (as I said, he is looking, but I'm not sure he's really giving it his all either - that's depression for you), I can't see how we're ever going to pay off our debts.
We're going to a wedding in York in March, and the weekend is set to cost around 500 € (which of course we don't have), but I really want to go and I'm looking forward to it. We just have to find two people to take the girls, but that shouldn't be a problem.
I also want to go on holiday this summer - I've been looking at Italy again as I loved it so much last time (2008). I'm thinking of the Italian Riviere, the Cinque Terra, Genoa... There are "cheap" places to rent, for sure, but "cheap" still means 400 € a week. And I'd also like to spend a few days in a hotel - Genoa has cheap deals at the Novotel and I'd love that, but again, that would be about 350 € for 4 or 5 days. I've spent hours poring over this stuff, but shouldn't - we can't afford it. But oh, it's so nice to dream!
I feel so stressed right now that my head aches almost permanently, my hair's falling out, I'm putting on weight and I'm getting grouchy. My sweet girls are wonderful, but picking up on the tension and I hate that.
Oh, fuck this! I just want 2010 to get better! I want D to find work - anything! anything that would bring in some money, even 1000 € a month would be good - I want us to pull through this difficult time, I want to be able to breathe again.
Sorry for the moaning, but I'm so alone right now.
samedi 9 janvier 2010
Things can only get better, right?
Pretty all round crappy start to 2010, it has to be said...
Yeah, of course, money is still my number 1 worry, but that's not really what I'm talking about...
Put it this way: there are 8 flats in my building, one of which is only occupied about 3 months of the year (that's the one directly above us). The top floor flats each have one single lady (one aged 46, one aged 83). On the next floor down, a just-retired-but-very-dynamic couple and an out of work graduate. Next floor down, a youngish couple and their 18-month-old son and the aforementioned not-often-occupied flat. And on the ground floor, an elderly couple (late 70s) and us, a couple with 2 young girls. So, that makes 14 inhabitants (plus the elderly-ish lady who comes 3 months a year). Well. Since 2010 started, two of those inhabitants have died. Spooky, or what?
The first was the 77-year-old man on our (ground floor) landing. He was in great shape for the first half of the year. He and his wife went away (as every year) all summer to their house in the country. When they came back in September, he apparently had "back problems" and looked like he'd aged about 15 years. He got steadily worse, but it really did seem to be back-related - he was in good shape apart from walking and stuff. He was scheduled for surgery on 30/12 but went for the pre-op blood tests in mid-December. They discovered leukaemia. And he went downhill from there, dying on 2 January. Swift and relatively painless for him, so we've been told, but tough on his family. The funeral service was on Wednesday, the only really beautiful day we've had here since we came home.
The other was the 46-year-old lady on the top floor. She'd been a wreck for a few years - colorectal cancer, multiple operations (a few of which were seriously botched), long-standing anorexia and depression, multiple suicide attempts. But she was a lovely person, really kind and the girls loved her. She tried to kill herself for the umpteenth time in early December and was hospitalised, first here, then in Toulouse to be nearer her family (such as it is). She spent Christmas with her brother and his wife in Albi, but drank hydrochloric acid on Christmas day, fell into a coma and died last night.
Holy crap. What a way to die. I hope she's found peace at last, wherever she is.
Surely, surely things can only get better now? Please don't say bad news comes in threes - I'm freaking out badly enough as it is...
God speed, Mr B, and God speed, sweet, sweet S...
Here's to a brighter future.
Yeah, of course, money is still my number 1 worry, but that's not really what I'm talking about...
Put it this way: there are 8 flats in my building, one of which is only occupied about 3 months of the year (that's the one directly above us). The top floor flats each have one single lady (one aged 46, one aged 83). On the next floor down, a just-retired-but-very-dynamic couple and an out of work graduate. Next floor down, a youngish couple and their 18-month-old son and the aforementioned not-often-occupied flat. And on the ground floor, an elderly couple (late 70s) and us, a couple with 2 young girls. So, that makes 14 inhabitants (plus the elderly-ish lady who comes 3 months a year). Well. Since 2010 started, two of those inhabitants have died. Spooky, or what?
The first was the 77-year-old man on our (ground floor) landing. He was in great shape for the first half of the year. He and his wife went away (as every year) all summer to their house in the country. When they came back in September, he apparently had "back problems" and looked like he'd aged about 15 years. He got steadily worse, but it really did seem to be back-related - he was in good shape apart from walking and stuff. He was scheduled for surgery on 30/12 but went for the pre-op blood tests in mid-December. They discovered leukaemia. And he went downhill from there, dying on 2 January. Swift and relatively painless for him, so we've been told, but tough on his family. The funeral service was on Wednesday, the only really beautiful day we've had here since we came home.
The other was the 46-year-old lady on the top floor. She'd been a wreck for a few years - colorectal cancer, multiple operations (a few of which were seriously botched), long-standing anorexia and depression, multiple suicide attempts. But she was a lovely person, really kind and the girls loved her. She tried to kill herself for the umpteenth time in early December and was hospitalised, first here, then in Toulouse to be nearer her family (such as it is). She spent Christmas with her brother and his wife in Albi, but drank hydrochloric acid on Christmas day, fell into a coma and died last night.
Holy crap. What a way to die. I hope she's found peace at last, wherever she is.
Surely, surely things can only get better now? Please don't say bad news comes in threes - I'm freaking out badly enough as it is...
God speed, Mr B, and God speed, sweet, sweet S...
Here's to a brighter future.
samedi 2 janvier 2010
The long one
HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!
It's been a busy couple of weeks, I can tell you. We somehow managed to fly from and to just about the only airports in the western world still operating on 20/12 (flew from Girona in Spain to Birmingham in England and then Edinburgh in Scotland - most of France was closed (Paris, Lyon...), most English airports too, and most Scottish too. And Edinburgh airport closed the next day...) and reached a snowy Scotland.
I haven't seen so much snow since 1996 in Lyon! Of course, it meant we couldn't do very much - icy roads, doubts about buses home and so on, but the girls had fun in the snow and my cousins invited us to their fabulous house so they could go sledging, make snowmen, have snowball fights and stuff.
Christmas was good. Lots of presents (though not for me - I received very little, in fact, but don't really mind. No, really!), lots of fun and games. D and my dad got on fine, no arguments for once.
And my angel, my sweet girl, my baby, C, turned 8. How did that happen? She seems so grown up, so big. But still my baby girl. Oh, I love her so much! But 8! Holy cow... adolescence is looming large...
L was very well behaved, too. She loved her Lego pirate stuff, and she loved the Tinkerbell costume my dad bought her, and she loved the snow and my cousins' cat Mack. She was cute as a button and I was very proud of her!
We came home avoiding all the bad weather again - it was -16°C when we left my dad's house on Tuesday morning, +17°C when we arrived in Girona the next day (we spent the afternoon and night in Birmingham - had fun at the hotel, at the great science museum ThinkTank, at an Indian restaurant...) - and were delighted to get home to my sweet Tom, who was in great shape thanks to our lovely neighbour.
We spent New Year's Eve afternoon shopping in a packed and decimated Carrefour, then the evening itself quietly at a friend's house (just an English friend and her 8-year-old daughter). We chatted in a quiet and civilised manner, the three girls dressed up and played beautifully together till after 1 in the morning!
And there you have it. I've spent New Year's Day a) in bed till lunchtime b) out in the "cold" (why does the cold here seem so much colder than in Scotland?) with the girls as they rode their bikes and c) working. Of course. Shitloads to do, as usual, so I end up working on 1st Jan! Grrrrrrr
And now, in honour of the title of this post, I'm repeating Linda's questionnaire (as I did last year)! Unsurprisingly, many of the answers are the same as last year - talk about stuck in a rut!
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Wrote what I suppose you could call a "novel", though I have serious doubts about it and am not sure how much further (if any further) I'll be going with it...
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Never really make any serious resolutions because I seem to be pathologically devoid of any self-discipline
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not really close, but yes, I know a few people who had babies this year, mainly mothers at the girls' (Catholic) school.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not really, but people I know (and have known all my life) died unexpectedly, it's just that they weren't particularly close to me
5. What countries did you visit?
England, Scotland, Spain (briefly three times)
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Less money worries
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
No particular dates stand out - this hasn't been a very memorable year
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Writing the aforementioned novel
9. What was your biggest failure?
Putting on so much weight from eating so much crap
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really (thankfully)
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our "new" car - a turquoise blue Renault Scenic II. Yeah, it's put us horribly into debt but it's a cool car, a car that looks good and that WORKS!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Obama, for pushing his healthcare reform through
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My MIL on (many) occasions (not all the time, I swear, but a lot lately)
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and paying off debt (mine and D's)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Not much - 2009 wasn't, as I said above, a particularly memorable year
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Nothing jumps to mind, though C has recently "discovered" "High School Musical" so we've been hearing a fair amount of that. Oh, and the various religious "songs" that the girls come back with from school...
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? About the same
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter (unfortunately)
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, I guess (more in debt, anyway)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating crap
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At my dad's house in Scotland, lots of snow, very cold, very icy. A good Christmas, even if we couldn't get out and about very much!
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Don't really watch TV
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No
24. What was the best book you read?
Malcolm Pryce - "Aberystwyth mon amour". Daft but hilarious
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I think I'm too old for this question!
26. What did you want and get?
The aforementioned Malcolm Pryce book, plus its sequel "Last tango in Aberystwyth"
27. What did you want and not get?
Body Shop eau de toilette, Nigella Lawson cook book (can you believe I was hoping for the same things this Christmas - and didn't get them again?!)
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Up
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Our friends, P, S and their son, T came to lunch, then D organised for other friends to drop round all afternoon. Nothing wild, but it was nice. I turned 40, God help me
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having to worry about money all the time
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I think I look pretty cool but no one else sees it that way + sporting the muffin top
32. What kept you sane?
Blogging, getting time on my own and my fantasies
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp, always and ever
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obama's health care reform (even if I'm not American)
35. Who did you miss?
My friends, J and M in England
36. Who was the best new person you met?
One of the mothers in the PTA at the girls' new school (same answer as last year, but I'm not talking about the same one!)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
I'm getting older (and old, as far as most people are concerned) and should try and embrace it rather than just freak out
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Like Linda, I'm going to go for a simple quote for this: "plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose" because really, things haven't changed much in a year - my life is still dominated by worrying about money, about D not having work, about me being fat and eating crap...
Of course, I haven't really made any resolutions this year, but if I did, it would be "get my life in order" - get fitter, get tidier, get better hours, work more efficiently, save money, earn money, pay off debt, do my accounts...
A tall order, of course, but I'm giving myself a year to get things in motion.
Happy 2010 to you all!
It's been a busy couple of weeks, I can tell you. We somehow managed to fly from and to just about the only airports in the western world still operating on 20/12 (flew from Girona in Spain to Birmingham in England and then Edinburgh in Scotland - most of France was closed (Paris, Lyon...), most English airports too, and most Scottish too. And Edinburgh airport closed the next day...) and reached a snowy Scotland.
I haven't seen so much snow since 1996 in Lyon! Of course, it meant we couldn't do very much - icy roads, doubts about buses home and so on, but the girls had fun in the snow and my cousins invited us to their fabulous house so they could go sledging, make snowmen, have snowball fights and stuff.
Christmas was good. Lots of presents (though not for me - I received very little, in fact, but don't really mind. No, really!), lots of fun and games. D and my dad got on fine, no arguments for once.
And my angel, my sweet girl, my baby, C, turned 8. How did that happen? She seems so grown up, so big. But still my baby girl. Oh, I love her so much! But 8! Holy cow... adolescence is looming large...
L was very well behaved, too. She loved her Lego pirate stuff, and she loved the Tinkerbell costume my dad bought her, and she loved the snow and my cousins' cat Mack. She was cute as a button and I was very proud of her!
We came home avoiding all the bad weather again - it was -16°C when we left my dad's house on Tuesday morning, +17°C when we arrived in Girona the next day (we spent the afternoon and night in Birmingham - had fun at the hotel, at the great science museum ThinkTank, at an Indian restaurant...) - and were delighted to get home to my sweet Tom, who was in great shape thanks to our lovely neighbour.
We spent New Year's Eve afternoon shopping in a packed and decimated Carrefour, then the evening itself quietly at a friend's house (just an English friend and her 8-year-old daughter). We chatted in a quiet and civilised manner, the three girls dressed up and played beautifully together till after 1 in the morning!
And there you have it. I've spent New Year's Day a) in bed till lunchtime b) out in the "cold" (why does the cold here seem so much colder than in Scotland?) with the girls as they rode their bikes and c) working. Of course. Shitloads to do, as usual, so I end up working on 1st Jan! Grrrrrrr
And now, in honour of the title of this post, I'm repeating Linda's questionnaire (as I did last year)! Unsurprisingly, many of the answers are the same as last year - talk about stuck in a rut!
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Wrote what I suppose you could call a "novel", though I have serious doubts about it and am not sure how much further (if any further) I'll be going with it...
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Never really make any serious resolutions because I seem to be pathologically devoid of any self-discipline
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not really close, but yes, I know a few people who had babies this year, mainly mothers at the girls' (Catholic) school.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not really, but people I know (and have known all my life) died unexpectedly, it's just that they weren't particularly close to me
5. What countries did you visit?
England, Scotland, Spain (briefly three times)
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Less money worries
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
No particular dates stand out - this hasn't been a very memorable year
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Writing the aforementioned novel
9. What was your biggest failure?
Putting on so much weight from eating so much crap
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really (thankfully)
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our "new" car - a turquoise blue Renault Scenic II. Yeah, it's put us horribly into debt but it's a cool car, a car that looks good and that WORKS!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Obama, for pushing his healthcare reform through
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My MIL on (many) occasions (not all the time, I swear, but a lot lately)
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills and paying off debt (mine and D's)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Not much - 2009 wasn't, as I said above, a particularly memorable year
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Nothing jumps to mind, though C has recently "discovered" "High School Musical" so we've been hearing a fair amount of that. Oh, and the various religious "songs" that the girls come back with from school...
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? About the same
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter (unfortunately)
c) richer or poorer? Poorer, I guess (more in debt, anyway)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating crap
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At my dad's house in Scotland, lots of snow, very cold, very icy. A good Christmas, even if we couldn't get out and about very much!
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Don't really watch TV
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No
24. What was the best book you read?
Malcolm Pryce - "Aberystwyth mon amour". Daft but hilarious
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I think I'm too old for this question!
26. What did you want and get?
The aforementioned Malcolm Pryce book, plus its sequel "Last tango in Aberystwyth"
27. What did you want and not get?
Body Shop eau de toilette, Nigella Lawson cook book (can you believe I was hoping for the same things this Christmas - and didn't get them again?!)
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Up
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Our friends, P, S and their son, T came to lunch, then D organised for other friends to drop round all afternoon. Nothing wild, but it was nice. I turned 40, God help me
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not having to worry about money all the time
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I think I look pretty cool but no one else sees it that way + sporting the muffin top
32. What kept you sane?
Blogging, getting time on my own and my fantasies
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp, always and ever
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obama's health care reform (even if I'm not American)
35. Who did you miss?
My friends, J and M in England
36. Who was the best new person you met?
One of the mothers in the PTA at the girls' new school (same answer as last year, but I'm not talking about the same one!)
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
I'm getting older (and old, as far as most people are concerned) and should try and embrace it rather than just freak out
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Like Linda, I'm going to go for a simple quote for this: "plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose" because really, things haven't changed much in a year - my life is still dominated by worrying about money, about D not having work, about me being fat and eating crap...
Of course, I haven't really made any resolutions this year, but if I did, it would be "get my life in order" - get fitter, get tidier, get better hours, work more efficiently, save money, earn money, pay off debt, do my accounts...
A tall order, of course, but I'm giving myself a year to get things in motion.
Happy 2010 to you all!
dimanche 20 décembre 2009
Nothing for a week, and then two posts in one day! It must be Christmas or something. Oh. Wait a minute...
So, as I said earlier, Cha Cha invited us all to do a holiday house tour to show off our ace decorating skills. And I, stupidly, said I'd give it a go. A mistake, obviously, as all the other people's decorations I've seen on the internet recently look professional. And mine... really, really doesn't.
Yeah, OK, I didn't actually decorate it, my daughters did (aged really, really almost 8 (one week today!) and a bit more than 5 and a half. And you can totally tell how tall they are because the top third of the tree has almost no decorations at all. And the rest look like they've been thrown at the tree by a blind dwarf. Plus you can see all kinds of crap in the background / foreground / sideground because I take pretty rubbish pictures, too. *sigh* (In case you think I never have anything positive to say about myself, well... in all honesty, I think I'm a pretty good damn translator and I make a mean cauliflower cheese!)
But well. They had fun doing it, didn't squabble and are incredibly proud of their work. There are fairy lights on it, but OF COURSE one of the bulbs blew the second day we lit them and I cannot be arsed to figure out which one. So. No lights this year. But given the doom and gloom of our current situation, that feels strangely appropriate.
And now, after that magnificent build-up, here are the two pictures I've taken of our tree (no other decorations because, well, there aren't any - no space, for one thing and too much other crap for another. Oh, and I'm pretty lazy too.). Plus one I can't resist of the world's cutest, 
fluffiest, kindest, intelligentest, adorablest cat.
Happy times
Christmas is almost here and we're off on holiday to my dad's house tomorrow (OK, we're actually going to SPAIN tomorrow because that's where we fly from, but we'll be in Scotland on Monday evening).
The girls are beyond excited, and I'm pleased with the presents D and I have got for them. Not so much for anyone else's presents, mainly because I haven't actually bought many... But there's time still.
I'm exhausted, of course, what with the school newspaper, and marking student exams and having shitloads of work (including a hilarious teaser for a film script) and laundry and what have you.
But most of all, I'm stressed. We have NO money. At all. And a small hill (not a mountain, really) of debt. D has officially given up his status as a freelance translator and will start looking for salaried work - any kind of work - as soon as we get home. I'm working as much as I can and hoping, hoping, hoping to get paid by a few people soon. D asked his bitch of a mother for a loan (not a gift, he said we'd pay interest and everything), she agreed on Friday (yesterday) and then refused today, just when it was too late to explain things to the guy at the bank, bla, bla, bla. The woman's a plague, a pain in the arse, a n°1 class bitch. We said we'd try and visit her in Paris in February, but, even if we do have the money, she can forget it. Totally forget it. And I really regret sending her a fucking present this morning, too.
Anyway.
So, yeah, money worries are worrying me half to death. My VAT cheque will be cashed on Monday or Tuesday, I owe 1600 € to the building supervisors for the roof, we pay 600 € a month for our two loans (the one we took out to pay for the roof, except that it got swallowed up in overdraft, and the one for the car, plus parking) and 700 € for the flat. On top of that, I have my social security, health and retirement contributions (all obligatory and hideously expensive), various taxes (income, land, inhabitance, professional), all the utilities (electricity, gas, mobile phone, private phone, professional phone, internet provider...), health insurance (more or less obligatory), food, school, petrol... I'm drowning, I really am. And sooooo, sooooo stressed.
Plus, I've even failed dear Cha Cha. I promised to put up photos of our Christmas decorations (such as they are) and haven't even managed that yet. But I'm working on it, I swear.
That said, I am excited about Christmas, about my little girl's 8th birthday, about going away. I know I'll manage to "forget" our woes for a while. I just hope 2010 is easier, that D finds work (even 1000 € a month would be good - it's the bare minimum wage more or less and would suit me perfectly, it really would!), that I can work less and that everything turns out OK.
Oh, yeah, and that I don't have to spend any time with my bitch of a mother-in-law...
MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!
And, if you're all really lucky, I might just get back to you with a couple of photos of our tree in all its "decorated-by-two-young-children-with-no-idea-about-harmony" glory...
The girls are beyond excited, and I'm pleased with the presents D and I have got for them. Not so much for anyone else's presents, mainly because I haven't actually bought many... But there's time still.
I'm exhausted, of course, what with the school newspaper, and marking student exams and having shitloads of work (including a hilarious teaser for a film script) and laundry and what have you.
But most of all, I'm stressed. We have NO money. At all. And a small hill (not a mountain, really) of debt. D has officially given up his status as a freelance translator and will start looking for salaried work - any kind of work - as soon as we get home. I'm working as much as I can and hoping, hoping, hoping to get paid by a few people soon. D asked his bitch of a mother for a loan (not a gift, he said we'd pay interest and everything), she agreed on Friday (yesterday) and then refused today, just when it was too late to explain things to the guy at the bank, bla, bla, bla. The woman's a plague, a pain in the arse, a n°1 class bitch. We said we'd try and visit her in Paris in February, but, even if we do have the money, she can forget it. Totally forget it. And I really regret sending her a fucking present this morning, too.
Anyway.
So, yeah, money worries are worrying me half to death. My VAT cheque will be cashed on Monday or Tuesday, I owe 1600 € to the building supervisors for the roof, we pay 600 € a month for our two loans (the one we took out to pay for the roof, except that it got swallowed up in overdraft, and the one for the car, plus parking) and 700 € for the flat. On top of that, I have my social security, health and retirement contributions (all obligatory and hideously expensive), various taxes (income, land, inhabitance, professional), all the utilities (electricity, gas, mobile phone, private phone, professional phone, internet provider...), health insurance (more or less obligatory), food, school, petrol... I'm drowning, I really am. And sooooo, sooooo stressed.
Plus, I've even failed dear Cha Cha. I promised to put up photos of our Christmas decorations (such as they are) and haven't even managed that yet. But I'm working on it, I swear.
That said, I am excited about Christmas, about my little girl's 8th birthday, about going away. I know I'll manage to "forget" our woes for a while. I just hope 2010 is easier, that D finds work (even 1000 € a month would be good - it's the bare minimum wage more or less and would suit me perfectly, it really would!), that I can work less and that everything turns out OK.
Oh, yeah, and that I don't have to spend any time with my bitch of a mother-in-law...
MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!
And, if you're all really lucky, I might just get back to you with a couple of photos of our tree in all its "decorated-by-two-young-children-with-no-idea-about-harmony" glory...
samedi 12 décembre 2009
The new hectic
"Work" has been kind of quiet for the last few days. If this keeps up, I'll start freaking out, but for now, it's kind of a relief to be quite honest. That said, I haven't been idle. I put together the first draft of the end-of-term school newspaper (my partner-in-journalism is doing the finishing touches and we'll do the photocopying and folding on Tuesday, fingers crossed we get the last couple of things we need from other people), and that took me ages. I've helped set up, man and put away the Christmas Market (good fun, but time-consuming). I've corrected lots of student homework, prepared two exams, done invoices, finished up my Christmas cards, tidied my desk, done endless laundry, done a fair amount of my Christmas shopping...
And well, yeah. I'm totally exhausted. And yeah, I'll have 27 exam translations to mark by tomorrow midday, and 8 group glossaries to mark by Monday, and I have a text to proofread and a brochure to update and...GAH.
I'm exhausted, longing for the holidays (even though things can get pretty tense between D and my dad). But really enjoying all this Christmassy stuff.
Can't wait to get to the parcel-wrapping stage, I really can't!
And well, yeah. I'm totally exhausted. And yeah, I'll have 27 exam translations to mark by tomorrow midday, and 8 group glossaries to mark by Monday, and I have a text to proofread and a brochure to update and...GAH.
I'm exhausted, longing for the holidays (even though things can get pretty tense between D and my dad). But really enjoying all this Christmassy stuff.
Can't wait to get to the parcel-wrapping stage, I really can't!
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