Gosh

Gosh. Wow. Really? I haven't posted here in over three weeks? Wow.

That must be a record, even for me...

I guess you're assuming that either my life has been so fun-filled that I haven't had time to post, what with all those dates with Johnny Depp and trips to Aruba and the like, or that I've been so depressed that I've finally pulled the trigger or started mainlining vodka.

Well, truth be told, neither of those is true. Not even remotely, actually (especially the Johnny Depp/Aruba part).

In reality, I couldn't really tell you exactly what's been going on. I seem to have been pretty busy, but (unsurprisingly) don't have a great deal to show for it. I feel like I've worked my arse off, but can't seem to find much evidence of that either. And I certainly haven't done anything in the way of cleaning or tidying.

It's a bit of a mystery, actually.

Talking of which (nice segue there, did you notice?)...

I stupidly sat up late last night (nothing unusual in that... I'm rarely in bed before 2 am), pretty much glued to the sofa, watching a pretty crappy mystery-whodunnit film, "Mindhunters". Holy shit was that a mistake!

Yes, the film is (deeply) flawed; it's predictable and unbelievable. The characters aren't particularly engaging and the "surprise" ending really isn't much of a surprise. The parallels with Agatha Christie's "10 little Indians" are obvious, but the film doesn't (unlike Christie) "go all the way".

But that doesn't stop it from being utterly terrifying. Sitting there, alone on the sofa (apart from the cat, but what help would he be if a demented killer burst into my home?), I was transfixed, unable to just get up and turn it off. I knew I'd have trouble sleeping, but I just couldn't stop watching.

It's a total anxiety and stress fest, pretty much entirely filmed in the dark. Unspeakable things happen to certain characters. The "whodunnit" part isn't particularly difficult to figure out, but even so. The hows and whens and whys keep you on your toes.

I eventually managed to get to bed (after double-checking the front door) and almost slept with the light on. Maybe I should have, because I ended up jittery and restless, tossing and turning, freaked out by scary dreams. For probably the first time ever, I was actually glad when my alarm clock rang.

I've never been a fan of horror films, and didn't think this film was going to be so scary. Actually, I didn't realise it was film at all. I thought - from the title given here ("Profession profiler") I thought it was going to be a police procedural TV show, like CSI or something. If I'd known that it was a film (and if I'd read the synopsis) I wouldn't have watched it at all.

And now, I can't un-see it. I'm going to have to watch something very light and fluffy and mindless this evening - a musical, no doubt - to try and get the horror out of my mind before I go to bed.

There are so many ways in which being single sucks. And not having someone there to give moral support when you watch a crappy, scary film late at night is now another one to add to the list...

It's the little things

It isn't really a "little thing". It certainly doesn't feel like one, it feels like a huge, enormous thing. This evening, on three separate occasions, my dear, sweet C (who turned 10 at the end of December and is suddenly so very much not a little kid any more) said that, if she and L don't have their Sunday School class this week (it's alternate weeks, I'm not involved - D is the churchgoer - and just can't keep track of which week they have it, which they don't), she wants to spend the day with me and "do something with me". My heart melted, it truly did. She's often affectionate, and she still loves getting hugs and cuddles and kisses, but she's rarely (maybe never) shown such a keen interest in spending time with me just for the sake of being with me. I mean, if I propose something (not necessarily anything wild - it could just be making Christmas cookies together) and she wants to do that, then she wants to spend time with me. But this is different. She wants to spend time with me, pretty much regardless of what the "something" that we do is. And that has rarely happened before.

So, yeah. That's made me feel all warm and tingly this evening.

On a much more materialistic note, a truly little thing also made my day today: on the sale page of the Cath Kidston website (oh to have the money to truly kit out my home from that site...), I found an adorable fondue set for just €15, down 70% from €48... I know I'm flat broke and still in the throes of trying to sort out my catastrophic financial situation, but seriously: I have wanted a fondue set for years. I've priced them elsewhere but here in France at least (notoriously expensive when it comes to shopping, it has to be said) even ugly ones come out at almost double that. So, of course, I bought it, and it'll be arriving by post sometime in the next 10-14 days according to my invoice, but most likely much quicker than that now that Christmas is over. I'm sooooo excited! I adore fondue - cheese, meat, chocolate, all of them! - and I'm pretty sure even L, probably one of the pickiest eaters in the world, will like it too. And I know C will.

Obviously, making a fondue can't be the something we'll do together as my lovely fondue set won't be here in time (unless there is Sunday school this week, in which case it might be here for the next Sunday), but preparing one and eating one, just the three of us, could be a fun thing to do together.

And, finally, the third nice thing to happen today was that I got a call from a dear friend - originally "just" a fellow translator but soon a friend and even, for a while, C's wonderful daycare provider - whom I haven't heard from in several years. She had a translation job proposition (vaguely regular work, not particularly hard, possibly a little restrictive because of the short turnaround times) and thought of me. We chatted for about half an hour and have been invited - the three of us - to spend a day with her in Narbonne (where she now lives; the fact that she's left Montpellier is part of the reason we sort of lost touch). Really nice to be back in touch with her!

Can you tell that I'm trying to be upbeat this year?! No, seriously, things still aren't great, but today was a nice day with nice things, and I'll take that!