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vendredi 9 mai 2008

happy families

So, this was a bank holiday today in France. Should mean "nice family day out" somewhere.
But no.
This was actually a pretty crappy day here in our house.
D was in bicker mode pretty much all day, and I could feel his not-spoken-but-thought-very-loud criticism of me very consciously. L of course didn't have her nap this afternoon and D went ape - shouting, saying nasty things he didn't really mean (though how's a 4-year-old supposed to know that?), confiscating ALL her soft toys (including her beloved Lapin Jaune) but one, dealing out punishment after punishment... Horrid, really horrid.
Then we all went for a "walk" at the zoo, which was OK, except for D's general snottiness which came and went all afternoon.
Got home, D still snotty, L hideous in the car and sent straight to bed... Joyful evening, as you can imagine.
And now, D's gone to bed and still seems pissed off with me for some reason, like all this stroppiness is somehow my fault. Like to know how he figures that.
God, it's tough being in a relationship.! We've been together for 12 years (yikes!) and have had a fair number of humdinging rows, but basically we get on fine for a couple who live together and work from home together.
But that doesn't mean that sometimes I wouldn't just love to stand on the roof of our building and scream at the injustice of some of D's remarks, comments whatever.

On a more serious note (if you're going to be downbeat and frustrated, you may as well go the whole hog and be downright gloomy too, eh), sort of watched a deeply disturbing film this evening - "21 grammes".
Holy shit, it's depressing! As I wasn't really watching, I didn't really get past the "woman whose husband and two little girls get killed in an accident" part. My blood ran cold.
Especially after the panic attack I had the other day about the very same thing happening to me.
I feel sick with worry.
I've already lost one little girl. I just can't bear the thought of anything, ANYTHING, happening to C or L. They are the light of my life. I love them more than anything on earth and always will. They're bright, beautiful, kind little girls. My world.
Please keep them safe and healthy.
Please let them live happy lives.

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