I feel like I'm stuck in a total rut. My days (as in "24-hour periods" rather than "day time") are so out of synch with "normal" life that I feel like a freak, I work a lot (but at the wrong time) and am utterly sick of it, I have a mountain of stuff to do (did I mention that our flat is a total tip? And that we have random bits of furniture in unlikely places? And that we still have unpacked boxes from when we moved in in February 2006? Have you noticed that Christmas (and so C's 7th birthday, too) are just around the corner?) and no time to do any of it, my health is definitely suffering in ways I can perceive but not explain (let's just forget about the fugly muffin top and packed of bacon TUC crackers, shall we?) and oh, I just get the impression that I'm not in control, no way, not even close.
It's not that I'm unhappy. No, that's not it. I "enjoy" my job (as in, I don't hate it), I love my family, I adore my daughters, I have a (potentially) lovely home in a beautiful city in the south of France, I have a fabulous cat, my health is - as far as I know - OK, my father's in good shape, and I even have money in the bank for once.
But I just hate my lack of discipline, my inability to stick to schedules, cross things off lists, get things done.
I so badly want to tidy this place up, decorate the girls' room, make it all presentable so we can invite people round. As it is, I'm waaaay too embarrassed to let anyone see the way we live.
D will be going away for the weekend in a couple of weeks, so perhaps I can try and get some stuff done then.
Then all I'll have to do is convince him to put up curtain rails (bought in 2006), kitchen unit doors (bought in 2007), shelves in the kitchen and over my desk (bought in early 2008) and light fixtures (yet to be bought, so I'm not hopeful about this one, given our track record for home improvements), and then help me get C and L's bedroom looking nice at last.
The real problem is knowing where to start; it's all so daunting...