OK, OK, it's now 9 Feb and this is my first post of 2011... Total fail, I know. But well. Nothing much to write, except more of the same (you know, bla, bla, lonely, bla, bla, miserable, bla, bla, fighting with my daughters, bla, bla, too much work...). So what's the point?
Well, the point is... errr... there's no point. This is my blog, I don't need to have a point. I can just write here, say what I want and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks (especially as virtually no one reads this shit anyway).
Winter has been pretty kind to this part of the world. There have been a few cold days, but more mild ones; a few rainy days, but waaaaay more sunny ones; and, of course, no snow days at all. Yet. I can't help long for the warm sun of spring and summer; I can't wait to start planning the summer holiday (I can't do it yet as friends are coming and I need to know their dates first). One thing is sure - no BlogHer in San Diego for me, I simply can't afford it. Maybe next year (in the hope BlogHer 2012 might be on the east coast rather than California). But I am hoping to take the girls to Italy, maybe via a friend near Marseille...
I'm also planning to turn my life around. I know I've said this before, and virtually nothing has come of it, but the process has started - I've started the big "tidy up", you just can't tell yet. I've been forced to do my accounts for 2010, so for once I'm up to date before tax season starts (this is a first); I'm going to get all my teaching materials sorted out, finish tidying the kitchen (which is already pretty good), do my room... I'd like to move furniture around, make the place FEEL different. I want to change the locks on the front door as D still has a set of keys and I don't like that ONE BIT. I want to paint walls, put up curtains, soften the lighting... CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE. I want to get a real haircut (not just a trim), I want to get a proper dinner service (even if it's just an IKEA one)...
This is all random and unstructured, but it's 4.30 am, I'm exhausted, drowning in texts to translate and totally incapable (still) of going to bed at a decent time.
I'm trying my hardest to make 2011 a better year than 2010, but it's hard, and isn't working so far (lots of tears - lots of songs make me cry, and the imminent St Valentine's day isn't helping), but I intend to persist. I'm going to make it happier - somehow.
But I can't help wishing, deep down inside, that there was a man who could love me, help me, comfort me, share jokes and chocolate with me, make me feel special. The frightening part is that it's unlikely that that will ever happen - and I'm really struggling to accept it.