I know this could be woefully premature, but do I dare say that lately (as in, in the last few days) things have been... better? There has been laughter in this house, including my own and I don't remember the last time that happened...
Now, don't get me wrong. THINGS are still happening and screwing my life up. THINGS are bringing me down and causing tears when I'm alone (which happens quite a lot, actually, though possibly not much in the immediate future with my dad arriving TOMORROW (GAH) for 9 (NINE!) days) and I am, of course, still totally freaked out about money.
BUT. The girls and I have been fighting less, snuggling more (even though I feel like I see them less than ever), laughing more.
Easter has been pretty much OK, to be honest. OK, I didn't see them much: they spent all Saturday afternoon and evening either with friends (separately) or with D (together), not getting home till 10 pm, and then they spent last evening and night (all night) with D, till lunchtime today. But we had a lovely Easter Sunday lunch, in the morning they did an egg hunt in the house and then we went to the Jardin des Plantes yesterday afternoon and it was delightful.
The Jardin des Plantes really is my favourite place in Montpellier, without a doubt (OK, that and IKEA, but that's hardly "typical" of Montpellier...). There were flowers in blossom, frogs, turtles, fish, peace and quiet. It's a magical place, a haven of tranquillity.
This evening we played board games and managed to avoid any sore-loser-ness from anyone. Yes, they went to bed far too late again, but at least there was good humour for once...
L's birthday is getting closer and closer, and of course D is making things complicated: he's organising a party for her on Saturday with his friend M. I'm fine with that, there's no problem. But I've already told him I'll be doing a party in collaboration with one of L's friends who has her birthday a week later and that we'll be inviting school friends. So of course he, D, has invited 2 friends from school - and only 2. And he seems to be incapable of understanding how stupid that is, how awkward, how idiotic. I swear, étiquette and social graces just seem to pass him by...
But I'm really going to try and not let his dumb ass behaviour spoil L's day. Last year was pretty much hideous (obviously), and the day of the party even worse (he walked out THE DAY BEFORE. What a star! What a hero! Will I ever stop being angry about his insane behaviour? And no, I no longer care that he's probably reading this - I WANT him to know how fucking angry I am with him, how much he now bugs the shit out of me. NAH.), so I want this year to be fun, even for me if possible.
I'm still pretty much down in the dumps, but this is the first string of more than a couple of hours in which I've felt any kind of positive feelings since last year, so I'm taking that as a positive.
Happy Easter, everyone!