Oh, Howie...

I was a huge fan of Howard Jones way back when. I'm not embarrassed by this, however uncool it might now be seen as. I also had a huge crush on him, but that's another story. I've been listening a lot to my Spotify "sad songs" playlist of late (duh), and this song just came on and oh, the words... Particularly, of course, the last verse...

You can look at the menu, but you just can't eat
You can feel the cushion, but you can't have a seat
You can dip your foot in the pool, but you can't have a swim
You can feel the punishment, but you can't commit the sin
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

You can build a mansion, but you just can't live in it
You're the fastest runner but you're not allowed to win
Some break the rules, and live to count the cost
The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her, and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame

You can see the summit but you can't reach it
Its the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fit
Doctor says you're cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
And you want her, and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her, and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame

So, the consent form has been signed, and my first zap will be on Friday morning. I feel sick. And oh, so very, very scared. I've done plenty of reading on the subject, I know how it goes down, I know there's no "reason" to be scared (well, not much of one), but I can't help it. I feel sick. I truly, truly wish I were dead right now.