D is for...

Damocles.
The bare bones of the story of Damocles are pretty well known, and the expression "the Sword of Damocles" has become part of everyday language for a lot of people.
Right now, my own version of that damn sword is swinging perilously over my head, attached to the figurative rafters by a strand of horse's hair.
For once, I'm not actually talking about money (though obviously the image fits that situation pretty well too). No, this time, I'm talking about work.
I translate for a living. You know that. I translate mainly scientific and technical texts, often articles for publication in peer-review journals. I also translate a lot of websites, commercial correspondance and newsletters.
Recently, though, the focus of my work has changed. Yes, I did a lot of words for a pharmaceutical firm last month, but not nearly as many as there are in the book on history and museums I'm wading through right now, or the university exchange programme. There's also a media website.
So where does Damocles and his sword (so to speak) come into all this? Well, as a professional translator, I'm bound by deadlines. And deadlines? I have them.
Being poor and freaked out about money has resulted in me taking on waaaaay too much work. And now the deadlines are starting to seem horribly real and very scary.
A quick run-down for you: 150,000 words (yes, you read that right) by 15 June (that's the history/museography book); 22,000 words by 20 April (the university exchange programme); 2,800 words by this Thursday (the media website). Plus a couple of things to proofread, student translations to correct, exams to mark. I mean, I've done some of it (30,000 of the book, for example, about 3,000 of the university thing), but there's still so very much more...
Panicking much? Er, yes, actually.
I can almost feel the tip of the sword on my scalp...

Of course, maybe the most famous version of the story is actually THIS...!

Teaser Tuesday Posting Frenzy

It's been a while since I fell down a meme-shaft, but I saw this one on The Warrior Muse, who in turn saw it on  Should Be Reading and I (of course) couldn't resist...
The rules are pretty simple:

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:
• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
• Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!
So, here are my two teasers:
"It was Acheron Hades, the designated evildoer and antagonist from The Eyre Affair. Inside the book, he was a homicidal maniac who would surgically remove people's faces for fun, but outside the book he collected stamps and wrote really bad poetry."
Jasper Fforde, "One of our Thursdays is missing" (this is actually the 6th book in the "Thursday Next" series; if you haven't read any, then you really need to read them in order, starting with the aforementioned The Eyre Affair...)

C is for...

Collège.
Here in France, "collège" is the equivalent of middle school. Most kids are 11 when they start collège, and they stay there for 4 years, before going to "lycée" or high school for a final 3 years.
My sweet girl, C, will be starting collège in September, and she's already pretty excited about it. So am I, to be honest. I got a letter in the mail today inviting us to an open day at the collège she'll be attending (which is the sister school to the primary school she's at now) and it's in less than a month. We'll be shown around and the first year (6ème) programme will be explained. I'm guessing we'll meet teachers too...
We've already had to decide which language options she'll be doing - she outright refused to do the "élite" bilingual German class (even though she is most certainly capable of it), preferring instead to do just English for now and then add in Spanish in 2 years. That suits me fine. The German bilingual class is basically what she's going to be doing, but with 2 extra hours of classes to study German. I have no interest in her doing that (I'd have been quite happy for her to do it if she'd wanted to, obviously, but she didn't. End of story) and much prefer that she's decided to do Spanish.
The change from primary to collège is a big one - kids are expected to be autonomous, pretty much all of a sudden. They're given more freedom and have to learn how to manage their time, their homework, their revision. But it's an exciting step and I'm delighted that she's reached it. She may only be 10 (she won't be 11 till the end of December, which will makei her one of the youngest in the school), but I can see that she's ready.
My sweet baby C is growing up!

B is for...

Bank.
Right now, I feel like my entire life revolves around banks. I check my bank accounts on line about three times a day (which is stupid because it depresses me beyond belief), I receive letters from banks - nasty, "pay up now, bitch" letters - more or less every day, and my life has been put on hold by banks. I fucking hate banks.
I keep hearing that "money isn't everything" and "there are more serious problems than money problems", but I can't help but feel that that's only true when you DON'T have money problems. Because money, or the lack of it, is just about all I can think about right now. I dream about my debts, I wake up in a cold sweat at least once every night because money worries are consuming me alive.
I know this, too, shall pass, but it sure as hell doesn't feel like it most days.

A is for...

Anniversary.
The fact that D and I weren't married was never a problem - we still had our "anniversary". In fact, it was the anniversary of our first "date" (even though we almost never went on actual dates...). And it just so happened that it was April Fool's Day. That was always something I liked; it was a fun date to have as our anniversary, and it made gift-buying more amusing: we never bought each other "big" gifts, just small tokens, often with a joke theme, or (given that here in France April Fool's Day is "poisson d'avril" or April Fish) a fish theme.

Today would have been our 16th anniversary, although in fact we only made it past our 14th by a month (and trouble was well and truly looming for a while beforehand).
Now, April Fool's Day is a day tinged with sadness for me. The girls enjoy the French tradition of preparing paper fish and sticking them on the backs of friends and family without them knowing, but I can't quite get into the joyous mood. Especially this year, with the world crumbling around me.

Conspiracy theory revisited

I'm not paranoid by nature. Seriously, I'm not. I don't usually believe that "they" are out to get me. But right now? Well, let's just say I'm heading towards that line of thought...
One of the many debts I have has reached critical mass and I received a threatening letter from the bank in question saying that if I didn't pay them the 966 € I owe immediately, I'd basically be damned for all eternity. As luck would have it (ha!), my teaching hours from Sept-Dec 2011 had just been paid and I ACTUALLY HAD 2,000 € on my account - first time in months.
I didn't - at that exact moment - have time to faff about on the internet and do the transfer, so I emailed my bank manager and asked him to do it. That was early morning. When I got home from teaching at about 12.30, I saw he still hadn't done it, so, given that it was urgent, I did all the necessary faffing and did it myself. I then immediately emailed my bank manager to tell him.
Guess what? The idiot ALSO did the transfer. And another bill went through so now I'm overdrawn again. I called the recipient bank and they - arseholes to the end - said there was nothing they could do and that if the money appeared on their bank, they wouldn't be able to refund it. (I'm not sure that's true, but well. I was in no state to question that.)
I emailed the bank manager and he answered amazingly quickly that he "would try and sort it out". That was yesterday morning. Well, last time I checked (about an hour ago), both sums have still been debited.
Now, that's bad enough, for sure. BUT - before 4 April, I ALSO have to do a transfer of 1,500 € to my mortgage bank. I asked my bank manager if he would let me go 500 € overdrawn (I had 2,000 €, I transferred 966 €, I needed to transfer 1,500 €, remember?) but of course he hasn't answered that question, and now I can't because it'll put me over my overdraft limit of 1,500 €.
Do you see what I mean about a fucking conspiracy? I HAD money. I was going to just about be able to pay off the major debts that are putting me at high risk of "interdit bancaire", and that would have allowed the credit regroupment agency (or however you say it in English) to present my dossier and maybe find me a long-term solution to all my problems. And now it's all shot to hell, once again.
I am seriously at risk of "interdit bancaire" now. And that's 5 YEARS without the right to write cheques or use a credit card. 5 YEARS of having to go to the bank and be given cash. I can't survive like that. I just can't.
I am just so tired of all this. So goddamn tired. I've been living under such strain for the last few months that I'm a wreck. Right now, with no means of withdrawing money (which I don't have, as I'm overdrawn on both my accounts now), I have about 12 € in my purse. That's it. I need to buy cat food, and summer shoes for the girls, and a birthday present for my sweet L who'll be 8 in 4 weeks. I need to buy food for us and a cartridge for my printer, and C needs knitting needles for school and... I have 12 €. Twelve fucking euros.
I hated 2010, and I hated 2011. But seriously? 2012? WORST.FUCKING.YEAR.EVER.

Back

[blinks]
Wow. Has it really been more than a month since I wrote something here? Time really flies when you're having fun, huh?
Not much to update, to be honest, as the last few weeks have continued to be hellish, full of waiting and praying to whatever god I believe in (always had a bit of a soft spot for the Greek and Roman deities, I must admit), even though no one seems to be listening...
Finances still on the brink of implosion, solutions being promised but never actually happening. Currently have 10 € in my purse and nothing more, no means of getting more without borrowing.
Many tears have been shed, many unpleasant phone calls have been made, many unfeeling bank-y types have been spoken to.
I just keep on going, trying to keep my head above water, trying to convince myself that this, too, shall pass and that there will be better times.
Hard to imagine a lot of the time, it has to be said.
But yeah, I'm back, and I've decided to kick start my blog (yet again) by signing up for the "Blogging from A to Z" challenge. In other words, after weeks of silence, you're now going to be bombarded with a post a day, every day but Sunday (except for the first Sunday, which is kick-off day), for the entire month of April. Lucky you!
The good news is that the challenge recommends that posts be kept short...