Holiday

Today's word is HOLIDAY.

It's a concept that's been on my mind for a while, what with the half-term break looming (it started - for the girls, anyway - last Friday; schools go back on Monday 14 March).

Last half-term (October-November) I took the girls to see my dearest friends in England and we had a great time. This time, D is taking the girls to Paris to stay with his mother. They leave tomorrow (Thursday) at lunchtime and will be back the Thursday after, around 6 pm.

I'm not sure that I'm ever going to get used to this shared parenting thing. It breaks my heart that they're going on holiday, with HIM, but without ME. These last few days (weeks, months), there's been a lot of shouting - I seem to have to spend all my time shouting at them, sometimes really shrieking, just to get them to do the smallest of things - yet the idea of them not being here is killing me.

I'm trying to convince myself that I'll use this week wisely. But we all know I most likely won't. I do have a shitload of work to do, and I'll be teaching as normal next week (my half-term from teaching is only this week), but I'd still like to get stuff done. Some tidying, some sorting, some packing (D's stuff, into boxes, out of my life), some (very, very minimal) DIY... But the most likely outcome is that I work, eat crap, stay up late and sleep all day.

What was yesterday's word, again? Oh, yeah. Right. Discipline.

Hmmmm

I'm also starting to think about the summer. I want to go away somewhere with the girls, like last year when we went to Bilbao. It wasn't ideal, but it was fun all the same. I'm thinking of Italy (dreaming of Italy, in fact) but right now, I can't do anything about it. First, I need dates from my friend J in England - they're coming to our area either around 23/7 for 10 days, or for two weeks from 13/8, so until I know their dates for sure I can't book anything. But I can't book anything anyway because I'm so seriously broke (one of my credit cards isn't working because of "insufficient funds"). I've taken on huge amounts of work to try and ease the overdraft, but it's a long term thing.

So, I'm dreaming of a holiday, of relaxing in the summer sun somewhere with my little girls; I'm dreading them going away this week and leaving me alone, but they leave tomorrow and I have to fold their clothes, kiss them goodnight one last time and wave them off without sobbing, which will be hard.

Holiday. A lovely word, full of promise and adventure. But only if you get to go.