I would love to be in love right now. I don't mean one of my pathetic teenage girly crushes on rock stars or actors, I mean in love with a man actually in my life. Oh, and one that would love me back, of course.
Spring is such a perfect time to be in love - and a difficult one in which to be alone. I know I bang on about this the whole time, but it's been ALMOST A YEAR and yeah, it's tough. I don't have a social life, or rather, what little social life I do actually have is pretty much exclusively linked to a child-oriented activity (so basically at best, I accompany the girls in their social lives). And no social life means no opportunity to meet a man. I work mainly from home (so no contact there either), and occasionally at the university, where there are lots of contacts with kids (all my students this semester are under the age of 21 for the love of god) and other female teachers (OK, there are a couple of guys, but really, very, very few). And that's it. And there's no way I'm trying on line dating - for one thing, it scares me shitless, and secondly, I can't go out at night very easily (no babysitter - can't afford one). So it looks like this is as good as it's going to get.
But it's spring, and it's the season for strolling about town, stopping for a drink outside a café in the Place de la Comédie, for being given flowers... But no. Not for me.
I'm supposedly going on a picnic tomorrow with the girls and two other mothers from school (and their kids, obviously). The weather's been glorious (apparently - I've barely been outside in a month with all the work I've had to do). And tomorrow they're forecasting rain, so it looks like even that tiny social interlude won't be taking place...
I would love to be in love, to be loved. It would spur me into action - get my hair cut, take care of myself - and make me feel worthwhile again. Because yeah, right now? Morale is low, guys, really low, and I'm finding myself increasingly hard to live with.