Temptation

Hell's bells, I don't know what to do. I am sorely tempted - "sorely" to the point of almost actual physical pain - to just go ahead and do something that is probably unreasonable and rash.

I KNOW it's unreasonable and rash, but I SO BADLY WANT TO DO IT!

But I'm a logical creature by nature, and I'm well aware that to do something so clearly unreasonable and rash would cause me problems further down the road.

So, the dilemma:

This has been a hard year (as in twelve-month period and as in 2011-so-far). I've worked hard, I've struggled, I've had many downs and further downs (and a few ups, it's true) and I'm bone-crushingly tired. I spent 24 hours in the country and that was my first trip outside of Montpellier (except for the two trips to the airport, collecting my father and taking him back in April/may) since God-knows-when. Many, many months. I don't remember the last time I went anywhere that wasn't in Montpellier - it's most likely when we went to England in late October/early November, and before that it was August in Carnon. I just don't get out much.

On the other hand, and despite all the working hard, I'm still hopelessly in debt. I owe money all over the place, I have no savings and I basically seem to live from hand to mouth. I certainly can't afford to splurge.

In the midst of all this, is the fact that Novotel are now offering their 50% off deal in selected city hotels throughout the world.

I went on the site, and the Novotel in Genoa is at 52 €/night. I also checked trains and stuff and could get the three of us there and back for 180 €. If we stayed 5 nights, that would be 440 €. On top of that, we'd need lunch and dinner, plus tickets to the Genoa aquarium (the "biggest in Europe", at least at some fairly recent time) and other attractions in the city and miscellaneous "other expenses".

I sooooo badly want to go, and I know I'll go into self-pity mode if I don't (or, worse, dither for days on end, decide I want to do it and then find there are no more rooms available). But I also know I can't really afford it. I would like to go away, just for a few days, with the girls. Bilbao was difficult because all this (being alone stuff) was still so new. But we had fun all the same, plus I'm hardened now, I could do it with more tranquillity, more serenity, more self-assurance this time.

Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do?

(On the "go for it" side of things, there is the fact that I have 300 € in cash that my father gave me for my birthday - I've technically spent it (as in, I've bought myself stuff, but with my credit card, not the actual hard cash) but not literally, so that's a good chunk of holiday spending money right there. But I'd still need an at least equally big chunk more.)