I got a reprieve, and, all ostrich-y as I am, I spent most of last week kind of hoping that Dr H was just going to forget about it all in general, and me in particular.
I should be so lucky.
His secretary phoned at 1 pm today and said I was to go to the clinic at 2... I...just...couldn't. So now it's tomorrow, 2 pm. And I feel sick.
I know I'm not coping well, I know I'm totally losing my grip, but still. Going back there, it's so...serious, so real. So scary.
What I wouldn't give for someone big and strong to just hold me tight and tell me it's all going to be OK. I know it's not true, but it would feel nice, just for a few minutes. And it might stop the tears for a while.
2 commentaires:
Dear Magic27,
By all means, cry if you feel it takes the edge of the pain you're in, but please make the call and let the doctor help you. Right now that's all you have to do, let yourself be helped.
If you only have energy to go to the clinic and sleep for a week straight, then that in itself is a step forward. YOU need to be that "big strong" person that will hold yourself tight and tell yourself that everything is going to be OK. Right now, all you need to do is contact your doctor and let him help you. He may alter your medication and you may start to feel a bit better able to cope with things.
I posted some comments last year or the year before when you were feeling low but in the last few months my comments haven't been published. I only hope that you have people in your life that can give you the support you need.
If you're so reluctant to go to the clinic in France, is there any chance of being treated in the UK? Maybe you need a complete change of scene and somewhere closer to your extended family/ old friends. I have the feeling that you don't have a support system in France and that is making your recovery all the harder.
Your girls need their mother, and they need you to be "big and strong". Right now, you need to get well so that you can be there for them going forward. I know that it may seem impossible right now, but you do have it in you to get better, to heal and to grow out of this pain.
The first step is to call the doctor. Please don't give up, please keep trying to get well. Please let yourself be helped. You deserve to be well and you will emerge from this a bigger and stronger person than you ever imagined you might become.
Wishing you peace of mind and healing. Please take good care, wrap your arms around yourself, take it one day at a time and allow yourself to heal from whatever it is that is causing you so much pain.
I wish you all the best. I suspect there are more people rooting for you than you know. This too shall pass.
Sarah
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