Beginnings

Gosh, well. 12 July was actually almost 2 months ago (and certainly feels like an eternity ago). I'm so crap at this blogging lark...
So summer's officially over (even though it was probably 30°C here today and sunny...). The girls went back to school today: C, my sweet little 7-year-old, started in Year 3 (CE 2 here in France), which seems very big and serious, and my baby, my 5-year-old L, started in her last year of kindergarten. They were very excited and delighted to be going back and had a great time, so all's well. New felt-tip pens and crayons and what have you were purchased, hair was brushed (a rare occurrence, especially in the mornings), friends were back together. They both have nice teachers this year, I have a feeling all will be well. And no, C is not in the same class as the dreaded A...
As for our summer, well: the weather's been fantastic (sorry for any Brits out there - I know you've had a rough time!), we've been to the beach (or a local, manmade lake to avoid the sardines on the beach) more times than I can count, our holiday in St Jean de Luz was lovely, even if I didn't get my thalasso day (we couldn't afford it, I made the sacrifice), we went to a funfair, saw friends, had picnics...
Of course, there's still plenty for me to moan about: I actually dislike going to the beach because I feel horribly white (undeniable), fat (frequently commented on) and ugly (my opinion, but rarely contradicted), meaning I never even put my bikini on because I can't stand my muffin top blubber. Plus I swim like a lead brick. So, I do the "helping with swimming costumes-blowing up armband-drying off-packing up" routine, watch over the girls while D swims and sit there feeling resentful of all the lithe, tanned women around me.
As a result, our holiday was a little frustrating as we didn't actually do many of the things I would have liked to have done, instead going to the beach EVERY DAY. No thalasso, no stroll around the old quarter of San Sebastian and pintxos, no trip to a cave and a mountain lake, no museums (except the lovely Biarritz aquarium), no "typical Basque" dinner out, no cafés... just up late, lots of DVDs, laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning and the beach.
I mean yes, it was a stunning place, and our flat was great, and the weather was glorious, and we did do a few things, but still. I feel like we missed out on quite a lot too.
Since we got back (a month ago), the mess in our flat has grown exponentially because we have actually managed to decorate the girls' room (stripped the wallpaper off - horrendous in 39°C weather - polyfilla-ed some of the holes, rubbed the whole room down, painted the whole thing cream), but we haven't found the time to put all their stuff back in it yet.
Also, my dad arrived here from 18°C Scotland last week, spent 2 days with us and then we took him down to the flat he's rented down at the beach for 2 weeks. The girls spent the night with him the day we painted their room, even if it still stinks of paint even now, 3 days later.
The girls and I took him to the lovely Alphons Mucha exhibition currently on at the Musée Fabre, and we're having lunch with him on Saturday.
The main problem is, as every year (third year in a row), my MIL from hell is arriving on Saturday, meaning they'll be in the same beach town together (though hopefully not really together - she is, at least, coming with a friend) for a week. My dad then comes back to us on 12 Sept (while my MIL is staying for "at least another week" - she never gives us a departure date, which is one of the many things that drive me BATSHIT CRAZY about her), will be spending the day with us at a friend's house in the country on the 13th (MIL can't come - our car only has 5 seats: HA!) and flies home on the 15th. As I said, God only knows when my MIL is leaving - her friend leaves on the 19th, so the last few days could be hellish as she'll be on her own...
What else? Heavens, so much seems to have happened...
Still no money, despite my wonderful dad's help (so humiliating to still have to rely on him to bale me out - I know it's D's "fault" for not having any income, but still. I really do feel as if I'm a monumental failure), not much work on the horizon except unpaid marking for my students from last year, still stressed as hell.
But we're planning on going to Scotland for Christmas, and I've got my eye on another translation conference in Lisbon, except that it's in May this time and I'd only get back late afternoon on Mother's Day, so I'll have to think about this.
I'm sorry - this feels very disjointed and incoherent, but I just wanted to get a post up before anyone who does actually bother to read this just assumes I'm dead or something...
I hope you all (hope springs eternal) had a good summer and that the Rentrée brings you all a happy, healthy and prosperous year (and for me, too!).

Back from the dead (no, England actually)

Yes, I know, we got back over a week ago. But this has been a busy week (and it's only going to get worse - of which more anon) and I really haven't had much free time for writing.

So, the holiday. Well, we had a fantastic time. It was SOOOOOO good to see my two best friends, first J in the south of England, where we stayed for 4 and a half days. C and L get on really well with her two kids, W and E (sweet E is my goddaughter, bless her cotton socks), we did quite a few things - a long walk one day, a trip to the local swimming pool another (where J and I quietly sat in the cafeteria while the two Daddies dealt with the kids: heaven!), down to visit HMS Warrior in Portsmouth on the third day and then lazing about on the last. Had a really good time, though it made me realise just how much I miss J on a day-to-day basis... I really don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to here in France...

Anyway.

Off up to the south of London on the Friday to spend the night with my other best friend, M. Had a lot of fun there, too, even if D and I didn't sleep all that well. In the evening, once the kids were in bed, we watched Mamma Mia! (which the two guys loathed but which M and I enjoyed), in the afternoon we went to Greenwich park and on the Saturday morning we met up with another friend from Uni, K, for coffee before catching our train.

And finally, that train took us up into London from where we caught another train down into Kent to spend the afternoon, evening, night and morning with my cousin. Now, I haven't seen this cousin in probably about 20 years (yes, we're a very close-knit family) so I was a bit apprehensive, but in the end it was great. His mother (my aunt, then) and sister (a cousin I haven't seen since I was 2!) and her husband came round for the evening, we had a lovely time, we were made to feel very welcome and it was all very heart-warming. I'm so glad we've caught up with each other at last - I wanted my aunt to meet her little sister's granddaughters, I wanted C and L to meet their family, I wanted to see them too, and I'm unutterably pleased that we did it.

My cousin drove us to Gatwick on the Sunday morning, we did a little shopping and then came home, tired but happy as they say.

Back to school and work last Monday and it was a truly hectic week.

And as for this week. Well.

First, I have a shitload of work to do - 40,000 words to translate for various dates through the month. Not an undo-able amount in and of itself, but a lot to have already booked up. I just have to pray that not too much else comes in between now and the end of the month!

Second - and this is the real humdinger - the parents of one of C's classmates are flying off on holiday tomorrow and don't get back till 12 March. So the kid is SPENDING 9 DAYS WITH US. Now, she's a nice kid, very open, very self-confident, very extroverted (everything my sweet C isn't). But she's also the weakest student in the class and since the beginning I've been worried about this most unlikely friendship. C has been very odd of late, crying for no (apparent) reason at all, very morose. But she won't say why. And I'm scared that A (the kid), who's almost a whole year older than C, is just too much. I'm sure C is impressed by her and that A likes having such an admiring audience all the time. She also probably likes having a friend who's so good at her lessons. But I don't want people to like my baby just because she's good at her lessons. And I don't want her to stop getting good marks because her friends don't and she wants to be like them.

As you can probably tell, I'm not wild about this friendship. So you can imagine how I feel about having the kid live with us for 9 days... She also apparently needs very little sleep (this, I feel, is doomed for failure given how much sleep C needs and how hideous she can be if she doesn't get it) and I know from experience that having three little girls in the house is usually a recipe for many tears. L will inevitably be left out (pushed aside by C, I suspect) but, when C and A have arguments (and they will, I'm willing to bet on it), A will turn to L and C will go into total meltdown.

I have to say I'm absolutely dreading the next 9 days. And D is equally ambivalent about the whole thing, despite the fact we had a minor spat about it this evening.

I'm so worried about C. Her school work does seem to be dropping a little - she seems content if she gets a better mark than her friend, but as A's marks are generally pretty low, that doesn't mean much. I don't want C to feel under A's thumb, I want her to be friends with other little girls, to develop confidence in herself. She knows she's clever, but, like me, has real self-confidence issues in other areas. She's breaking my heart right now, and seems so small again. My baby's 7 years old, but I haven't seen her this vulnerable since she was a little preemie...

My plan is to somehow go and see her teacher and have a talk with her, see what she thinks. See if she thinks it might be a good idea to split them up next year (I hate saying this - I know I don't really have the right to decide who my little girl is friends with, but it's so tempting to ask them to put them in different classes next year... that way they could stay friends, but wouldn't be as close... Oh, I feel so mean!).

So you get the picture. A hard week (9-day week) looming. And yes, of course, the flat is still a tip - in addition to all my work I have to do some serious cleaning, sheet-changing etc.

I wish I could just fast forward to this time on 12 March...

On a more positive note, we are going to Arles again in April, but with my father this time, so I'm looking forward to that, and I'm trying (no thanks to a crappy website) to book our first ever 2-week holiday for this summer near Saint Jean de Luz. Which looks fab too. Of course, we can't afford any of this (can't afford anything, to be honest - I haven't been this broke in ages. I do wish people would start paying me!), but I'm desperate for a holiday, even though we've only just come back from one...

Bleurch

That's how I feel right now. My throat feels like a nutmeg grater every time I swallow, I'm alternating between cold and roasting, my voice is all croaky (a sure-fire sign that I'll lose my voice completely at some point over the next couple of days, much to the hilarity of D and the girls) and I've been blowing my nose ALL DAY. Yup, nothing more than a common cold, but oh, how nasty it is!

Other than that, I've signed up to "make things" for the school Christmas market, and have (perhaps foolishly) promised to make truffles ("about 10 sachets of 5 truffles"), gift tags and a few Christmas tree decorations. When, exactly, I'm going to have the time to do all this is a total mystery...

Had quite a good morning, though, despite less than 4 hours' sleep - took the girls to school and then met up with the very nice mother (with a daughter in C's class) in charge of the Christmas market and two other mothers I already know and we spent almost 2 hours chatting in a café. Not exactly productive, but really very pleasant.

We're new to this school, but I already feel very much involved and that I'm starting to make real connections... It's a nice feeling, and I would be feeling pretty good with myself tonight (even though it's really late yet again, I still have work to do and I'm aching to a) go to bed and b) make myself a bowl of porridge) if I didn't have this horrid cold...

Roll on the holidays, that's all I can say!

Little girls

Oh, it's so tough being a maman! All you want to do is protect your babies from hurt and pain and sadness and disappointment and suffering and illness and badness and...

But of course you can't do it; and, truth be told, it's probably a good thing.

But when I arrived at school to collect C, she came out of the playground and immediately started sobbing. And crack - my heart broke.

When I asked her what was wrong, she gave me the absolutely classic "A and P say they aren't my friends, and that no one wants to be my friend any more". It's so hard to explain that little girls just really aren't always very nice to each other (not just little girls, for that matter, but I'll not mention that to her for now).

As I said before, C and L have started at a new school this year. Last year, and all the years before that, they were at a very, very small bilingual (English-French) private school. It cost us a fortune, but was great, really great. Except that the classes were TOO small. By which I mean that last year, C was one of a class of 4 children. And one of those has moved back to his native Romania. If she'd stayed, she would have been one of just 3. The whole primary part of the school probably doesn't have more than 25 kids. It's too small.

So, we decided to move her now (when she's still young - she'll only be 7 on 27 December), to another private (but not bilingual, Catholic instead) school with a very good reputation (because my sweet babies are good at their schoolwork!).

C is now in a class of 25, and her year (CE 1, the equivalent of 2nd grade I guess) is composed of 3 such classes, meaning 75 kids in her year alone. A huge change, obviously.

She has settled in; remarkably well, in fact. But she's also pathologically shy and, being one of the youngest (here in France, classes are by calendar year so obviously, with her birthday at the end of December, she's nearly always the "baby" of the class), she often seems to be somewhat in awe of the others. Until today, her "best" friend was A, a girl bursting with self-confidence who will be 8 in January. She's almost a year older, but is already aware that my sweet C is (probably, for the moment and of course it may change) a better student. This causes tension already. And then C is still very much a little girl - but she HATES being called a baby. I can see where the hurt comes in: she wants so badly to fit in, but she lacks confidence, lacks maturity, lacks what most of these other kids seem to have in spades.

And I hate to see her so unhappy. I know in all probability the whole thing will be forgotten by Monday. But this evening she just seemed so small, such a very little girl. And my heart aches because not only can I not do anything to help, but - worse - I mustn't do anything to help other than explain how things are. She has to learn to fight these battles on her own.

But she's my baby, my sweet little girl... This is so hard!

Why are (little) girls always so mean to each other?