Fantasy Island

Had a big argument with D (by phone, me outside, walking to work at the university - great way to calm my "first day with a new class" nerves...) about, you guessed it, shared custody. He denies it, but he once again accused me of something ("tu penses pas que t'as fait assez de conneries..."), but now refuses to explain what he means. And he's got me worried that he's got some kind of below-the-belt thing up his sleeve (that's a metaphor that really doesn't work, but I'm sure you get what I mean).

So, to stop myself from going totally batshit insane, I'm gradually retreating into a fantasy world. No, not completely - I still get my work done, get the shopping done, do laundry, cook meals for the girls, prepare their school bags, make sure they're not late for school and stuff and generally manage pretty well. BUT.

Once I'm on my own (and, usually, supposed to be working), I sit and watch endless YouTube videos of the truly delicious Pat Monahan, either singing his own songs, or Train songs, or being interviewed, or whatever. The lyrics to his songs just slay me - some make me want to dance (see? I'm not just a miserable cow wallowing in self-pity - I like to dance too!), such as "Soul Sister"and "Save Me, San Francisco". Others are moving, even if they don't have particular relevance to me or my situation ("Drops of Jupiter" - the kind of song that sends chills down your spine - or "Her Eyes", which is just the kind of song I'd love someone to write for me), others make me cry because he says things that hit home so hard that, well, wow. Just wow. "Calling All Angels", for example, or "Meet Virginia". I'm working my way through the back catalogue of albums, and there's so much to like... and he really is extraordinarily easy on the eye...

And when the lovely man is interviewed, he can be either very funny, or very perceptive, or very deep, or just plain nice... His songs reach out to women (his fan base is very much female, as one interviewer pointed out (watch the whole thing, it's hilarious!)) and he really seems to understand women.

Oh, how I'd love to meet a man like that! A sensitive, artistic man who understands me, who makes me feel good about myself, who makes me feel special rather than some kind of freak, who treats me nicely... But I'm seriously suspecting that I'm destined to spend the rest of my life alone...

Thank God, then, for YouTube, where I can beam Pat and his pals into my "office" at will, where I can stare into his lovely blue eyes and dream...(see the "Drops of Jupiter" video, around 1:53... sooooo blue.... yummy!)