I would never consider myself to be a particularly adventurous person (quite the opposite, in fact). At the same time, I really do enjoy travelling, visiting new places, what have you. It's just that I'm not desperately keen to visit places that would require me to be adventurous (even if that's just an assumption my non-adventurous self is making).
So I have no wild, crazy desire to visit much of Africa, for example, even though I'm sure this is a huge mistake on my part. I'm not over enthusiastic about much of Asia, either, though I would like to see Vietnam, possibly China and Japan (not now, obviously, but you know what I mean). I do quite fancy South America - I have long had fantasies involving a beach I once saw in a poster advertising Venezuela, and I'd like to learn tango in Argentina.
I've visited a reasonable amount of Europe - England and Scotland, obviously, but also France, Spain, Portugal, Italy, Germany, Austria, Bulgaria, Belgium, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Sweden. And I would like to add the Czech Republic, Finland and Greece to that list.
What about Oceania? Australia always sounds cool, but my non-adventurous self is pretty much batshit terrified of all the spider possibilities and that puts me off (stupid, I know, and I fully assume, acknowledge and admit the stupidity of this); the Pacific islands are undoubtedly magnificent, and New Zealand always looks beautiful. It's just that none of that makes me sigh and dream. Don't know why.
That leaves North America. I'd quite like to visit Quebec, though not in winter obviously. And then, finally, the US. There's a lot of the US I'd like to visit - NYC again, because I had such a good time there last time (my only visit to the US to date - a week in NYC in April 2001), New Orleans, San Francisco, Colorado, Seattle...
Last summer, I took the girls to Bilbao in Spain. An unusual choice, most would say, but it was dictated by the need for somewhere we could get to by train and the fact that the chain of hotels I wanted to use had a "50% off" deal there. No regrets, though, it was a great place. We visited lovely things, did fun things, enjoyed it very much.
For this year, no plans have been made for anything at all yet, mainly because I'm soooooo broke (chronically in debt, in fact), plus no "50% off " mails have reached me yet... I'm thinking maybe Italy this year, but I'm not sure, we'll see.
One thing that is 100% certain is that I won't be going to San Diego this summer after all. Even if I hadn't missed the BlogHer Early Bird rate (which is a truly great rate for a big conference like BlogHer), it was always the REST of the trip that was too expensive: flights (about $750), hotels ($200 a night in the "recommended hotels", and I never got an answer to the question I sent about cheaper options) and the need to spend so many nights in a hotel (San Diego is a LONG WAY from here - it would mean about 6 nights in all), plus "being there" expenses. By my calculation, attending BlogHer would have cost me upwards of $1500, which is just ridiculous. It would have meant not going on holiday with my daughters, and that isn't an option. Plus, given my current (lack of) finances, booking would have been not only unreasonable, but most likely impossible (my credit cards don't work any more so I can't spend any money, take any money out, do anything). So, no San Diego. I'm very disappointed, even though the thought of going was unbelievably scary given that I don't know a single person there and I'm chronically shy, insecure and lacking in self-confidence.
but I am going to make it to BlogHer one day. I know I will. I just hope it'll be before I'm truly too old to enjoy it (if that isn't already the case). Maybe if it's on the east coast somewhere next year that would be easier (quicker to get to, less hotel nights)... I'll see.
So yeah. This year doesn't seem set to be a year of much travel. But I will travel again, I will have the means to do so again. I want to take my daughters places, show them things, help them meet people, absorb new cultures, new things. There's a whole world out there and I want the three of us to visit so much of it....
jeudi 17 mars 2011
mercredi 16 mars 2011
Random
Yet another meme, I'm afraid, and of course it's from Avitable, who seems to enjoy them as much as I do...
1. Who would you like to show up at your door to say they love you?
Johnny Depp, Pat Monahan or Puck from Glee (though not all at the same time)
2. Last furry thing you touched?
Easy - my cat, Tom
3. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Apart from small amounts of caffeine and chocolate, only cetirizine (an anti-allergy drug). Boooo-rrrinng
4. Do you miss film or does digital work for you?
Much prefer digital - no more paying for prints of shitty photos!
5. Favorite age you have been so far?
In retrospect, I guess about 28 or 29 was pretty good (though I doubt I would have said so at the time)
6. Your worst enemy?
Myself, without a shadow of a doubt. Failing that, my ex who seems to hate me without even fully realising it most of the time, which scares the shit out of me.
7. What is your current desktop picture?
A psychedelic Windows offering of hearts and swirls and stuff. Nothing original, but I like it.
8. What was the last thing you said that was funny?
You'd have to ask the people I was talking to...
9. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Right now, given the severity of the debt I'm in, I'd choose the money, but I think ultimately flying would be a better bet.
10. Who can’t you say “no” to?
Myself - I have almost no self-discipline for the things I should have.
11. The last song you bought or downloaded?
"Meet Virginia" by Train (She pulled her hair back as she screamed, "I don't really want to live this life!")
12. What time of day were you born?
About 6 am from what I've been told.
13. What’s your favorite number? Why?
I don't have one. But I dislike 4 and 6...
14. Where did you live in 1987?
For the first 9 months, I was still living with my parents down in the Conservative heartland south of England (West Sussex). From October, I was a student at St Andrews University (where Prince William went, though much later in his case) in Scotland, most famous for a) golf *yawn* and b) the opening beach scene from the 1981 film, "Chariots of Fire", even though in the film it's meant to be Kent.
15. Are you jealous of anyone?
No one in particular, more generically people who don't have to worry about money all the time, and people who are loved and in love and not scared of spending the rest of their lives alone.
16. Is anyone jealous of you?
I seriously doubt it.
17. It’s been almost a decade. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Easy. I was home, working and totally freaked out (not by what you think): I was pregnant for the second time and 9/11 was the day when I was exactly the same number of days pregnant as I was with my first pregnancy when my baby inexplicably died. I was a bundle of nerves all day and when the news started coming through mid-afternoon (remember, I'm in France, so we're 6 or 7 hours ahead) I was so shocked and disturbed by the awfulness of what was happening, plus my own personal stress, that I ended up getting contractions, freaking out further still and ending up in hospital for 6 days (my daughter was born safe and sound, though one month early, later in 2001 but it was a scary time for me all the same).
1. Who would you like to show up at your door to say they love you?
Johnny Depp, Pat Monahan or Puck from Glee (though not all at the same time)
2. Last furry thing you touched?
Easy - my cat, Tom
3. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Apart from small amounts of caffeine and chocolate, only cetirizine (an anti-allergy drug). Boooo-rrrinng
4. Do you miss film or does digital work for you?
Much prefer digital - no more paying for prints of shitty photos!
5. Favorite age you have been so far?
In retrospect, I guess about 28 or 29 was pretty good (though I doubt I would have said so at the time)
6. Your worst enemy?
Myself, without a shadow of a doubt. Failing that, my ex who seems to hate me without even fully realising it most of the time, which scares the shit out of me.
7. What is your current desktop picture?
A psychedelic Windows offering of hearts and swirls and stuff. Nothing original, but I like it.
8. What was the last thing you said that was funny?
You'd have to ask the people I was talking to...
9. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Right now, given the severity of the debt I'm in, I'd choose the money, but I think ultimately flying would be a better bet.
10. Who can’t you say “no” to?
Myself - I have almost no self-discipline for the things I should have.
11. The last song you bought or downloaded?
"Meet Virginia" by Train (She pulled her hair back as she screamed, "I don't really want to live this life!")
12. What time of day were you born?
About 6 am from what I've been told.
13. What’s your favorite number? Why?
I don't have one. But I dislike 4 and 6...
14. Where did you live in 1987?
For the first 9 months, I was still living with my parents down in the Conservative heartland south of England (West Sussex). From October, I was a student at St Andrews University (where Prince William went, though much later in his case) in Scotland, most famous for a) golf *yawn* and b) the opening beach scene from the 1981 film, "Chariots of Fire", even though in the film it's meant to be Kent.
15. Are you jealous of anyone?
No one in particular, more generically people who don't have to worry about money all the time, and people who are loved and in love and not scared of spending the rest of their lives alone.
16. Is anyone jealous of you?
I seriously doubt it.
17. It’s been almost a decade. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Easy. I was home, working and totally freaked out (not by what you think): I was pregnant for the second time and 9/11 was the day when I was exactly the same number of days pregnant as I was with my first pregnancy when my baby inexplicably died. I was a bundle of nerves all day and when the news started coming through mid-afternoon (remember, I'm in France, so we're 6 or 7 hours ahead) I was so shocked and disturbed by the awfulness of what was happening, plus my own personal stress, that I ended up getting contractions, freaking out further still and ending up in hospital for 6 days (my daughter was born safe and sound, though one month early, later in 2001 but it was a scary time for me all the same).
mardi 15 mars 2011
Clusterfuck
Yeah, so today's word probably isn't really a real word, but it nevertheless sums up today pretty perfectly. I'm going to spare you the details, but well. Got news I didn't want to hear that means I'm going to have to do things I would rather have avoided doing (with no guarantee that they're even truly feasible), had conversations I didn't want to have with people I'd been hoping to avoid, got very little done, am still hopelessly overdrawn everywhere and no one is paying me (so direct debits are being refused, I can't take any money out, bla, bla, bla - all the more frustrating when you know how much money I'm owed) and it pissed it down pretty much all day. So yeah. Today was a real clusterfuck of a day.
Nothing more to say, really.
Total fucking clusterfuck.
Nothing more to say, really.
Total fucking clusterfuck.
lundi 14 mars 2011
Sacrifice
C broke my heart this evening... She was upset when I sent her and L to bed (it was already pretty late) because we hadn't done anything together. She told me I spend too much time sitting at the computer, working, and not enough time with her and L, playing.
And my heart cracked and broke, right then.
Because it's true. I never do seem to have time to just BE with my little girls; I'm always watching the clock, rushing to get on to the next thing to do on the list. I know I do it all so that they and I can have a life that is the best I can do, but what is the price I'm paying? Will my little girls have any memories of me other than me working, me shouting and me crying? I feel so guilty, so bad. But I have to work, and I'm just sooooo tired all the time. I do my best, and I know my best often isn't really good enough. It hurts just to write these words.
I "gave up" on work yesterday afternoon to take the girls (as it was pouring with rain) to Altissimo, an indoor "rock climbing" place. But that wasn't enough for C (she told me tonight) because I just watched them climb, I didn't actually DO the activity with them. I'm terrified of making a fool of myself in any physical, sporting activity, so I shun them all (swimming most of all, because I'm a terrible swimmer, totally capable of panicking if I get out of my depth, or water splashed on my face, but also the ice-rink (never been skating, strongly suspect I would suck pretty badly at it) and anywhere that involves running). At home, I let them watch endless episodes of Glee (not always very suitable, it has to be said) while I tap-tap-tap away here on the computer...
I know I need to get my hours straight, get my life back on track, so that I can actually "switch off" my work from 5 till 9 pm and devote myself to these special little girls, so sweet, so funny, so gentle, so beloved.
I'm sacrificing my pleasures (I don't get to read or watch films or do handicrafts any more because I work so late or so much), but also, more importantly, THEIRS. They want to spend time with Maman, making things, doing things, playing games, and I'm almost never "there". No wonder they prefer being with Papa - he doesn't work so he can do all the fun stuff.
I have to try and change before it's too late - they're already so big.
This sacrifice may not be worth it after all.
And my heart cracked and broke, right then.
Because it's true. I never do seem to have time to just BE with my little girls; I'm always watching the clock, rushing to get on to the next thing to do on the list. I know I do it all so that they and I can have a life that is the best I can do, but what is the price I'm paying? Will my little girls have any memories of me other than me working, me shouting and me crying? I feel so guilty, so bad. But I have to work, and I'm just sooooo tired all the time. I do my best, and I know my best often isn't really good enough. It hurts just to write these words.
I "gave up" on work yesterday afternoon to take the girls (as it was pouring with rain) to Altissimo, an indoor "rock climbing" place. But that wasn't enough for C (she told me tonight) because I just watched them climb, I didn't actually DO the activity with them. I'm terrified of making a fool of myself in any physical, sporting activity, so I shun them all (swimming most of all, because I'm a terrible swimmer, totally capable of panicking if I get out of my depth, or water splashed on my face, but also the ice-rink (never been skating, strongly suspect I would suck pretty badly at it) and anywhere that involves running). At home, I let them watch endless episodes of Glee (not always very suitable, it has to be said) while I tap-tap-tap away here on the computer...
I know I need to get my hours straight, get my life back on track, so that I can actually "switch off" my work from 5 till 9 pm and devote myself to these special little girls, so sweet, so funny, so gentle, so beloved.
I'm sacrificing my pleasures (I don't get to read or watch films or do handicrafts any more because I work so late or so much), but also, more importantly, THEIRS. They want to spend time with Maman, making things, doing things, playing games, and I'm almost never "there". No wonder they prefer being with Papa - he doesn't work so he can do all the fun stuff.
I have to try and change before it's too late - they're already so big.
This sacrifice may not be worth it after all.
Rain
I've been banging on to all who will listen (all who are not in Montpellier, I mean) about how fantastic the weather's been for most of this winter, how it's hardly felt like winter at all most of the time - just a few cold days here and there, but nothing like the snopocalyptic scenes we've seen from just about everywhere north of here - and how it's basically been spring for about a month already.
So guess what? The shittiest weather this weekend you can imagine... No, it didn't snow (it wasn't nearly cold enough), but it was colder than it's been, with grey, leaden skies and torrential rain. So yeah. Spring. Not so much, actually. The wisteria on our balcony is almost, almost in bloom, but it felt like bloody November this weekend.
I went to the market yesterday and it was horrific, really nasty out. Didn't leave the house again till this afternoon, when I took the girls to Odysseum (the big new shopping and leisure part of town, on the southern boundary) to the "rock climbing room". We had to do a 10-min trek to the tramway, then hang about for said tramway and it was miserable, truly, truly miserable.
I love spring, it's by far my favourite season. Last year was ruined for me what with all the personal trauma and all, so I'm really, really looking forward to this one... I just wish it would hurry up!
So guess what? The shittiest weather this weekend you can imagine... No, it didn't snow (it wasn't nearly cold enough), but it was colder than it's been, with grey, leaden skies and torrential rain. So yeah. Spring. Not so much, actually. The wisteria on our balcony is almost, almost in bloom, but it felt like bloody November this weekend.
I went to the market yesterday and it was horrific, really nasty out. Didn't leave the house again till this afternoon, when I took the girls to Odysseum (the big new shopping and leisure part of town, on the southern boundary) to the "rock climbing room". We had to do a 10-min trek to the tramway, then hang about for said tramway and it was miserable, truly, truly miserable.
I love spring, it's by far my favourite season. Last year was ruined for me what with all the personal trauma and all, so I'm really, really looking forward to this one... I just wish it would hurry up!
samedi 12 mars 2011
Japan
Ok, so I know I failed NaBloPoMo (it doesn't really come as any great surprise to anyone, myself included) but I'm still going to try and post here every (remaining) day in March just to keep my hand in, so to speak.
The events in Japan yesterday rocked Japan, literally, and the rest of the world, figuratively. We've all seen the footage, one way or another, of that ghastly flood of water relentlessly sweeping everything in its path away. I showed one snippet to the girls but of course they were unimpressed - because although there were cars and entire buildings bobbing along in the mud, it still didn't look particularly frightening. Except that it is. Oh, how it is. I tried to explain what had happened and why this water was so horrible, and eventually they understood, took in the fact that anyone who got caught by that flow (and anyone anywhere near it inevitably would) would most likely die.
L looked stricken, asking if would ever happen here. She was relieved when I told her that no, Montpellier is pretty much safe from such horrors, and immediately went back to playing with her Legos. But our former neighbour is Japanese, her entire family are in Japan. I'm guessing they're Ok as I'm pretty sure they live in the south. But still. How terrifying for her, to be here, with them, over there, in such chaos.
These natural disasters (but how natural are they really? How much is man and his madness actually to blame?) blow my mind. My heart goes out to all those people who have lost loved ones, have lost everything, had it all swept away or destroyed. My heart aches just thinking about them. How can you ever rebuild your life after such horror? How do you come to terms with it? I know the Japanese are pretty used to earthquakes, but this is different, the horror of this one is the magnitude, the extent, the endless aftershocks...
I can't imagine living in a place where this kind of thing could happen at any time...
Hold strong, Japan, you are strong, you will survive. You are in my thoughts today.
The events in Japan yesterday rocked Japan, literally, and the rest of the world, figuratively. We've all seen the footage, one way or another, of that ghastly flood of water relentlessly sweeping everything in its path away. I showed one snippet to the girls but of course they were unimpressed - because although there were cars and entire buildings bobbing along in the mud, it still didn't look particularly frightening. Except that it is. Oh, how it is. I tried to explain what had happened and why this water was so horrible, and eventually they understood, took in the fact that anyone who got caught by that flow (and anyone anywhere near it inevitably would) would most likely die.
L looked stricken, asking if would ever happen here. She was relieved when I told her that no, Montpellier is pretty much safe from such horrors, and immediately went back to playing with her Legos. But our former neighbour is Japanese, her entire family are in Japan. I'm guessing they're Ok as I'm pretty sure they live in the south. But still. How terrifying for her, to be here, with them, over there, in such chaos.
These natural disasters (but how natural are they really? How much is man and his madness actually to blame?) blow my mind. My heart goes out to all those people who have lost loved ones, have lost everything, had it all swept away or destroyed. My heart aches just thinking about them. How can you ever rebuild your life after such horror? How do you come to terms with it? I know the Japanese are pretty used to earthquakes, but this is different, the horror of this one is the magnitude, the extent, the endless aftershocks...
I can't imagine living in a place where this kind of thing could happen at any time...
Hold strong, Japan, you are strong, you will survive. You are in my thoughts today.
vendredi 11 mars 2011
Fail
If I haven't already failed in my latest NaBloPoMo challenge, I suspect it won't be long coming, as I'm so overwhelmed with work and general STUFF TO DO that I'm finding it hard to find time to do anything at all...
Also, in related news, the girls are home, safe and sound, and it feels truly wonderful to hold them in my arms and kiss them and smell them...
I'm a bit bummed that I've failed already (if I have indeed failed), but the earthquake/tsunami combo that has devasted Japan in the last few hours certainly puts everything into perspective.
The images coming out of Japan are horrific; this unstoppable tide of mud, debris, homes, cars, burning buildings, destroying everything in its path is just appalling. And Japan is a country that is pretty much "prepared" for earthquakes; just as New Zealand is. Yet the devastation in both cases was/is incredible. No wonder less "prepared" countries suffer so much... And it makes it so hard to bear for these "prepared" countries - it makes you realise just how powerless Man really is when faced with Nature when it's on its warpath. So many lives lost, damaged, uprooted; so much destruction; so much to rebuild - until the next one hits.
My failure to write a blog post every day for a month (especially as I suspect no one reads the ones I do write) is so far from being on the same scale that I feel kind of stupid mentioning the two things in the same post.
Also, in related news, the girls are home, safe and sound, and it feels truly wonderful to hold them in my arms and kiss them and smell them...
I'm a bit bummed that I've failed already (if I have indeed failed), but the earthquake/tsunami combo that has devasted Japan in the last few hours certainly puts everything into perspective.
The images coming out of Japan are horrific; this unstoppable tide of mud, debris, homes, cars, burning buildings, destroying everything in its path is just appalling. And Japan is a country that is pretty much "prepared" for earthquakes; just as New Zealand is. Yet the devastation in both cases was/is incredible. No wonder less "prepared" countries suffer so much... And it makes it so hard to bear for these "prepared" countries - it makes you realise just how powerless Man really is when faced with Nature when it's on its warpath. So many lives lost, damaged, uprooted; so much destruction; so much to rebuild - until the next one hits.
My failure to write a blog post every day for a month (especially as I suspect no one reads the ones I do write) is so far from being on the same scale that I feel kind of stupid mentioning the two things in the same post.
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